You can't motorboat a personality
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
