my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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