I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
