Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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