THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
