My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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