U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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