just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
