I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
