If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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