The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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