So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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