I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
