he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
