Even the bartender felt bad for me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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