420 ftw
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
