You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
