weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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