Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
