Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
