i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
