He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
