I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
