Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
