I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
