Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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