put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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