Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
