What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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