That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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