i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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