my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
