The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just had sex bonerless
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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