SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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