So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
