I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
