Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
