She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
