Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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