My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
