Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
