I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
