I cannot find my penis.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
