Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
