Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
