I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
