Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
