im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
