yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
a search helicopter?!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
