it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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