Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
