When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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