"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
