North Korea, Best Korea!
Jerry, you need to find god
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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