i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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