It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
