There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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