roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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