UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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