i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
