just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
