bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
