Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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