THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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