we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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