so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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