I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
