i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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