I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
