I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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