Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
