I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
