he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
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I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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