tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
