His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
two words...techno handjob
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
