So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
