i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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