In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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