i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This baby is an asshole
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
