God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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