Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The power of my boobs compel you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
