i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
