No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
